Updated: May 21, 2019
A manipulative bully never sees things through the eyes of others. That would require empathy, which she lacks. Instead, she creates his own reality, in which she is at the center.2. What truly matters to a manipulator?
Her own ambitions are most important, particularly financial and career success. She may also seek a acclaimed status or even fame. She enjoys being the center of attention and wants everything to revolve around her. She derives satisfaction from successfully dominating others.3. Why are some manipulators so self-absorbed and aggressive?
Self-absorption and aggressiveness often stem from a lack of control over impulses. When a manipulator lacks internal brakes (which occur naturally for those who are self-aware and care about others), she learns that pleasure comes through impulsiveness and aggression, especially when applied with a keen understanding of human weakness. She is not a person with low IQ, but rather has an IQ that is upper to high.
Or past successes may have taught her how to control the behaviors of others through exploitation of fear or guilt. Children learn quickly when guilt-ridden parents allow themselves to be manipulated into rewarding bad behavior, or when a weaker peer submits to dominating behavior.
Then as the bully embarked upon her career, she discovered these skills helped her succeed. Her success fed her ego and increased her self-absorption, making it easier for her to justify this aberrant behavior as perfectly acceptable, even desirable.4. Does a manipulative bully care about other people?
She only cares to the extent others can gratify her ego and help her succeed. Absent are the healthy relationships of mutual respect. She may experience the beginnings of selfless affection for someone else, but sooner or later her ego reasserts it primacy.5. But why does a manipulative bully seem so concerned about people close to her?
She may seem concerned for the well-being of others, but usually this reflects a sense of ownership of those she dominates. In reality, she only cares about how they impact her power and reputation within the company. And her affection is conditional upon whether the people she “owns” continue to feed her ego. Disrespect her, even unintentionally, and the positive relationship is instantly destroyed!!6. Why is a manipulative bully so anxious to control the people she “owns”?
A bully never wants to look ineffective and powerless. In her thinking, if she can’t control the people close to her, upper management won’t view her as a strong leader. So she becomes frustrated when you show any independent thinking or actions that might threaten her control and tarnish her image.7. Why is a manipulative bully so hot-and-cold in how he treats the people he “owns”?
She fluctuates wildly in her treatment of people she “owns” because her possessiveness leads to pride of ownership. When one of her possessions does something right, it gratifies her ego. But when she believes someone has made her look bad, he gets angry. And if she feels betrayed, she becomes jealous and retaliates. Treating her possession like dirt.8. But doesn’t a manipulative bully have normal relationships with others?
Her relationships are never normal because they are defined by the power and control she has over others. In essence, she treats people like things, never respecting their rights as fellow human beings.
She knows how to gain power over others and keep it. She exudes charm and confidence in order to attract those who are naive or emotionally needy, providing them with friendship and camaraderie, or enticing them with promises of future rewards. Her followers may stay loyal for many years, or even over their entire careers.
She has no respect for people who are emotionally weak and vulnerable, so she doesn’t feel bad about exploiting them. At the same time, she believes that her superior intellect, uncommon wisdom and noble ambition justify her aggressively controlling other people. By forcing them to follow her leadership, she is doing them a favor (in her warped thinking). As the center of her own universe, she is very good at rationalizing her own behaviors so that he feels noble and even heroic. Completely at the expense of others.
Master of Deception.
It is counterproductive for a manipulative bully to be straightforward: no one would support her if she revealed his true character. An effective manipulator must be a master of deception.
Her repertoire includes hiding her true intentions and predatory nature, concealing information of potential value to others, misleading people on key issues, effectively using hearsay and innuendo, and otherwise obscuring the truth. She shrewdly uses these deceptions to sway others, always to her personal advantage, often to the detriment of her fellow workers.
Controls her conscience through rationalizations
A manipulative bully wants to maintain her focus and effectiveness (and be able to sleep at night), which means she can’t be constantly worrying about her questionable motives and negative impact on others. To keep her conscience in control, she rationalizes her bullying behavior. Here are a few of her favorite attitudes:
“Even though my tactics may be a little harsh, my success will bring great things to the company. I must use whatever means are necessary to gain the compliance of others, and I must retaliate against anyone who threatens my good intentions.”
“Because I have superior intellect, experience, vision and drive to succeed, my judgment is much better than those around me. That makes it desirable to force my will upon others. They will be better off than if they relied on their own inferior abilities.” (Superior judgment)
“Tough management is the best way to get things done. I am strong and I manage with a firm hand. I may hurt others now and then, but they are better for it.” (Tough management)
“In the competitive world of business, you are either a predator or a victim. If I don’t destroy the competition, they will destroy me. That includes others within the company who are competing for limited resources; or for power, income and promotions.” (Get them before they get me)
“I am displaying the time-honored values of winning, including vision, leadership, competitiveness and gamesmanship. I am building a legacy of success that others will respect and honor.” (Winning is all that matters)
There is much much more I will continue on another posting.
In the mean time if you have had any time in your life where you have worked with or for one of these bullies I would love to talk with you. Please contact me on the link below or in the comments section. :)
Click the link below. See you then.
copyright 2019 Marie moyers ministry