Updated: May 8, 2019
A skilled workplace bully is usually an expert at manipulation. Through artful, indirect and devious methods, she influences and controls others.
Like a clever politician, a manipulative workplace bully keeps her true desires hidden.
Sometimes they portray the self righteous image other times they don't even try to hid it but underneath the self-righteous image lies the essence of a manipulator: someone who shrewdly and deviously attempts to control how you feel, think and behave.
Either way few people are up to the confrontation of standing up to her.
The master manipulator
How does he manipulate?
How does he think?
Primer on manipulation
How does the manipulator work?
1. Distorts human relationships.
2. Lacks respect of others.
3. Exploits negative personal traits
1. Distortion of human relationship
Healthy human interactions are not dominated by manipulation. Instead, you find genuine concern for others and a sense of cooperation. Even when people have their own self-interest in mind, the principle of fair exchange is followed. However this is a rare find in the workplace.
Now compare these honorable behaviors with a manipulator. Rather than the simplicity of straightforward, mutually respectful relationships, she finds clever and indirect means to control others.
She deceives and seduces, or she creates a chaotic, complex situation within an emotionally supercharged work environment, allowing her to stealthily exploit the naive and character flaws of others. To a skilled workplace bully, human interaction is all about manipulation.
2. Lack of respect for others
At the root of these manipulative behaviors is a pervasive lack of respect for others. A manipulative bully holds herself in high esteem, but views others as deeply flawed. She is blind to the serious defects in her character, but keenly aware of the slightest weakness or imperfection in others.
She is convinced that most people are inferior to herself
Because she doesn’t respect you as an individual, she doesn’t respect your right to make your own choices. From her perspective, “live and let live” has no meaning; either you are with her or against her.
If you are with her, she attempts to thoroughly dominate you. And if you are against her, she feels no pangs of conscience as she undermines you or gets you fired.
It never occurs to her that you possess an equal right to pursue success and happiness.
3. Exploit negative personality traits
From a manipulative bully’s perspective, people with negative personality traits are ideal targets. She can more easily manipulate people who are greedy, submissive or anxious. Or people who are blindly sacrificing and naively supportive, or perhaps just trying too hard to please others. Her cunning and deceit are powerful weapons against the weaknesses of others.
A manipulative bully’s own nature is a study in negative traits. She is shrewd and dominant, the negative version of leadership and strength. She is judgmental, suspicious, demanding and calculating, all negative personality characteristics. Even her outward charm is cold and calculated (just see how fast her temper flares up when you confront her deceptive behaviors).
At the same time, she lacks positive personality traits, such as genuine concern for others, a generous and understanding nature, a desire to teach and encourage, a desire to have straightforward dealings with others. He dwells in a very dark place lit only by his own hyper-inflated ego and ambition.
If you stay out of her world of negative personality traits, you will be a much more difficult target for her manipulation.
The workplace is a difficult place and when you pile on this personality it makes it even more increasingly difficult.
I will cover more on this topic in coming posts.
In the mean time if you are wanting to talk further you can schedule a FREE call with me and I would be happy to help you. Click the link below. See you then.